Kingdom Come: Deliverance 2: A Hilarious Medley of Unexpected Quests
Kingdom Come: Deliverance 2 isn't just a brutally realistic medieval RPG; it's a masterclass in unpredictable absurdity. Every playthrough is unique, thanks to the sheer number of bizarre side quests that unfold. Below are a few of the most memorable escapades encountered during my Bohemian adventures. These tales are spoiler-free, focusing solely on the game's wonderfully chaotic side quests.
Table of Contents:
- Laboring for Troubadours, Only to Receive a Terrible Song
- Rescuing an Alcoholic Hunter... and Delivering Him Straight to the Tavern
- Confronting the Polovtsians, Only to Philosophize with a Dog
- Going Rogue as a Thief and Paying the Price
- Selling a Stolen Horse and Meeting Gypsies
- Why Kingdom Come: Deliverance 2 Stands Out
Laboring for Troubadours, Only to Receive a Terrible Song
The quaint town of Želejov, with its bathhouse, fighting arena, and tavern, is home to two incredibly lazy troubadours dreaming of Bohemian musical domination. Their problem? A lack of funds, an instrument, and any discernible artistic direction.
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Henry, ever the helpful soul, embarks on a series of increasingly ridiculous errands. He steals a lute (damaging his reputation), only to have its strings snapped. New strings, made from sheep intestines, are procured, but then the bards refuse to work off their debt to the innkeeper, deeming it beneath their genius.
After countless errands, the troubadours are finally equipped and ready. Their reward? A soul-crushingly dull song about Henry's mundane exploits. The locals cringe, Henry facepalms, and I laugh uncontrollably.
Rescuing an Alcoholic Hunter... and Delivering Him Straight to the Tavern
Remember those lute strings? They required the craftsmanship of Vojtěch, a drunken hunter who'd encountered wolves and climbed a tree for safety. The quest seemingly involves rescuing him, saving his horse, and helping him sober up. But what if you just deliver him to the tavern?
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That's precisely what I did, hauling the disgruntled Vojtěch through forests and swamps. His reaction? Outrage. He refused further assistance, limping away with a grumble. Our next meeting? He offered me a view of his shack as compensation.
Confronting the Polovtsians, Only to Philosophize with a Dog
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The Polovtsians, responsible for destroying Henry's home, were causing trouble in a tavern. My initial reaction? Rage. But instead of a battle, I found myself socializing, matchmaking, and eventually, singing drunken songs with them.
Then, a talking dog appeared, lecturing me on life's purpose and challenging me to swim across a lake. I survived (barely), amidst fits of laughter.
Going Rogue as a Thief and Paying the Price
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After mastering stealth, a single botched heist turned me into Bohemia's most wanted. A seemingly minor oversight—failing to remove incriminating accessories—led to my arrest. The game's attention to detail is astonishing.
Selling a Stolen Horse and Meeting Gypsies
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Stealing a horse and attempting to sell it to the sleeping gypsy horse trader, Mikolaj, resulted in a hilarious chase scene as the horse bolted home. Waiting for Mikolaj to wake up and slowly eat his porridge was an unexpectedly entertaining experience.
Why Kingdom Come: Deliverance 2 Stands Out
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These are just a few examples of the game's unique charm. Every choice, no matter how small, has consequences, creating a truly unforgettable and hilarious open-world RPG experience. Bohemia awaits!
